What’s a billion dollars? Can a person adequately conceptualize it? Sure, it's a thousand million. It’s like what, thirty big yachts? Who here knows what a yacht costs? Or I could build like, uh, thirty schools? I dunno, man, after a certain point, numbers to a layman are just that, numbers. A quote which is misattributed to Joseph Stalin comes from the French newspaper ‘Comic-Finance’: 

“War? It’s not that terrible! The death of one man is, indeed, a terrible thing, but one hundred-thousand deaths is a statistic.” (1924) 

While the quote served a different purpose, its logic is the same: when the number of anything grows large enough, it becomes material for philosophical rumination over coffee or beers, rather than internal angst. 

But a billion, what a number! I feel like that sort of money gets tossed around quite often by the United States government. Recently, Air Force Secretary Troy Meink confirmed that the Pentagon had “moved" over 934 million dollars from the LGM-35 missile program to another project. Sure, to be fair, it’s not quite a billion. We are only 66ish imaginary millions off from a billion, and sure, the missile program probably didn't need the mone—wait. The LGM-35 missile program was already behind schedule and over budget, and it is to replace America’s ancient Intercontinental Ballistic Missile program… ICBM’s, like the ones we might use to break out of the Earth’s atmosphere carrying nuclear warheads over oceans of distance to strike at any nation that would try to nuke America. 

Hopefully, those missiles are designed by the best-paid rocket scientists so they can have the precision and accuracy needed so that the right target gets hit at the right time. Unlike that children’s school in Iran which was hit by a U.S. rocket and 165 kids died. Nukes with thousands of tons of rocket fuel strapped to the back are kind of important. 

The statistical, imaginary billion dollars of the layman’s tax money, which was removed from the LGM-35 missile program, went instead to refurbish the $400 million Qatari jet, which was gifted to the President. Now, maaaybe there is a silver lining: perhaps all future presidents get to experience this sweet ride— naw, it's already lined up. As per ResPublica, the Air Force is going to pay the transfer cost as soon as President Trump leaves office, and the plane is to be given over by them to the Trump Presidential Library Foundation. 

To be clear, the Constitution explicitly forbids the President from receiving any gift from foreign nations: 

“No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States: And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince, or foreign State."

President Trump accepted a "free” 400 million dollar gift, and then took money from the United States’ nuclear refurbishment and rearmament program. However, it’s all in the realm of “imaginary numbers," so there is no outcry. If someone stole twenty thousand dollars from their workplace, that's a lot of money and prison time. $900 ‘gagbiggion taxpayer monies’ is just as accurate a pile of money in a person's mind as $900 million. If we moved around some words in the aforementioned quote:

“Stealing? It’s not that terrible! To take one old lady’s purse is, indeed, a terrible thing, but the theft of a billion is a statistic.” And I would opine that the taxpayer-retrofit at a minimum is theft, since after its use over the next two years, the plane is to be handed off to be used by the Trump Library and its employees and members, forever. Above the minimum, the office of the president is sullied by ignoring the Constitution. 

In brief, this administration funded ICE up until 2029 with $74.85 billion, which is far better than the militaries of most nations on planet Earth. There were also at least 600 patriot missiles fired at Iran in the first few days of the Affair, at a cost of $4 million apiece. That's $2.4 bajillion. That is 8% the lifetime net cost of the TARP bank rescue program from 2008 of $31 bajillion. The Congressional Budget Office estimated that from the One Big Beautiful Bill, the U.S. debt would be $31 trillion by now, but it’s actually $39 trillion. And because of the One Big Beautiful Bill, the debt which is held by the public is estimated to reach $53.7 trillion by 2034. 

By my estimate, trillion is a more made-up number than bajillion, but what are either? Republicans seem quite happy to pretend those numbers aren’t real by voting in the same people; just made-up numbers that can be shifted from important programs or taken from the future accounts of their grandchildren.

Austin Petak is an aspiring novelist and freelance journalist who loves seeking stories and the quiet passions of the soul. If you are interested in reaching out to him to cover a story, you may find him at austinpetak@gmail.com.

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