Visitors to Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C. have made some stark observations about our nation’s legislative body. One visitor pleaded with the Daily Record’s handsome interviewer to remain nameless out of fear that people might associate his name with anyone in Congress, or, just anyone in D.C.

“It’s so strange,” Not-John shook his head, then waved a hand towards a woman running around in circles as if the sky was falling, “The Democrat Senators are sure moving a whole lot but not really gettin’ anything done.” While Not-John pulled down his ballcap to better hide his face, he and his interviewer were suddenly distracted from Senator Whats-Her-Face from that lib-state screaming about the death of democracy as someone nearby screeched.

There, leaning exhausted against a tree by the Lincoln Memorial’s Pond, a man in a dark blue suit and a red tie who was holding a briefcase jumped away from a child’s ball that had rolled into his ankle.

“I’m FINE!” The Republican from Beef-County shouted (almost squealed).

 Onlookers were pushed along by the American soldiers who were recently deployed to combat the hobo-army hiding somewhere just out of sight. Not-John and I both wondered at first if it was Republican Senator from North Carolina, Tom Tillis, who spoke out against the ‘One Big Beautiful Bill’, who said, “Leaders who are willing to…demonstrate independent thinking are becoming an endangered species.” It was an easy first guess for Not-John and the handsome reporter, as Senator Tillis was once a staunch and recent ally of President Trump until he (alone) voted against the Bad-Big-Bugly-Bill, and (popular guesswork says) that fear of revenge by MAGA is the reason he has not sought reelection in his home state.

“Mike Rounds?” Not-John cocked his head, still trying to guess the tweaking Republican Senator by the tree, trying to “keep his #&%!” together. The man could have been Senator Rounds for sure, as he had applauded the fine work that the outgoing FBI director Cristopher Wray had done… except Senator Rounds’ mistake was that Director Wray displeased the president, and then a popular MAGA commentator warned that Mr. Rounds might likely face a new Republican Challenger for such a grave sin.

“No, that’s not Senator Rounds….” The handsome reporter murmured in thought as the tweaking Republican calmed himself just in time for the patrolling soldiers to pass by. As soon as they were gone, he turned and sprinted off into the bushes.

In the hubbub of a usual day in D.C., (it was easily missed) another Republican Senator was rocking back and forth on a bench nearby; her eyes were straining.

It could have certainly been Senator Joni Ernst from Iowa, who dared to question Pete Hegseth’s appointment to the highest chair of our nation’s defense and was threatened by MAGA of losing her seat in the Senate.

In the interviewer’s observation of yet another paranoid Republican who has traded their own agency and decision-making away for a chance at a seat in Congress next year, Not-John had scurried away into the bushes.

The behavior of the Republican Senators makes sense when longtime Republican Senator and Governor of Utah, Mitt Romney said of the President’s first term: “A lot of my colleagues felt they couldn’t afford to poke the bear… they were afraid of what would happen in the primary.”

An onlooker near the interviewer, who was staring at the Democratic Senator who was running in circles, shook her head and then remarked about Capitol Hill,

“Who would WANT to spend more time in this cesspool than necessary?!”

Austin Petak is an aspiring novelist and freelance journalist who loves seeking stories and the quiet passions of the soul. If you are interested in reaching out to him to cover a story, you may find him at austinpetak@gmail.com.

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