Is it not joy for a parent, caregiver, or even teacher when a small child giggles uncontrollably? That the sounds of their unbridled cackles in a world which we, as adults, have seen such cruelty, only further denotes their innocence. When I was younger, and my father would come home from work or from teaching taekwondo, he would step through the front door exhausted and still point to me. My brow would narrow as I knew what time it was. 

Time to wrestle! 

And to fly! And be tossed back and forth between his arms before he would pretend to drop me over his knee and do a ‘backbreaker’, only to launch me (...carefully) – who was deep into my fit of giggles – onto the couch. To be honest, it wasn’t always perfect, and sometimes I’d bump my shoulder or foot or some such thing; such was only ever a temporary setback. Before life got too fast, as I grew up and the years crept slowly upon me, and I witnessed the differences of my friends’ and girlfriends’ families, and was surprised at how many didn’t participate in wrestling with their fathers, brothers, and even sisters. Especially sisters/daughters, I suppose. That always did shock me, as my own father never cared about gender when whopping butts in the imaginary wrestling ring. 

In a medical paper published and peer reviewed just a few years ago (2021), titled: ‘A systematic Review of Father-Child Play Interactions and the Impact on Child Development’, by researchers Erin Robinson, Jennifer StGeorge, and Emily Freeman, they found that during their research, only one-third of -all- research between parent and child was focused on father/child interactions, leaning exceptionally heavily towards mother/child. In the research of the aforementioned three, female scientists (gender noted to show lack of bias), they found that, “...father’s are able to provide new experiences to their child that mothers might avoid as dangerous, while serving as a safe companion. It is unsurprising that research has documented that father-child play makes unique contributions to academic achievement, behavioral and emotional regulation, and cognitive development, compared to mother-child play interactions.”  

And during the research,

“...father’s involvement in play was positively associated with lower risks of behavioral problems and aggression (in children), findings reported that involvement with Rough and Tumble Play reduced anger/aggression and anxiety/withdrawal.”

Rough and Tumble Play was more accepted on playgrounds and schools when I was younger, but as I grew, eventually even touching other kids at all was forbidden beyond tag. Witnessing a slow death of rough-housing throughout my life came to a head for me when I was a summer camp counselor in my mid-twenties, and I was in the camp pool, which had a strict no-wrestling-in-the-water policy. I, however, was always terrible at following rules, and there I began tossing boys around, and the laughter which mirrored their excitement, mirrored my own from when I was a child. But how strange it was when I heard myself starting to come up with an excuse as to why a little girl couldn’t also be thrown when a line of them began behind the boys.

This paper also covered that too. 

“...Interestingly, father-positive affect during play was associated with negative teacher and peer ratings for girls.”

It's not because I was a camp counselor and not a father, in which it was suddenly wrong for me to toss girls around like the boys, as the negative perception by teachers and peers of rough and tumble play between fathers and daughters is explicit, and seems like a cultural problem for us in the West. If a retort were to be made that young girls are susceptible to disingenuous and horrible attacks by adults, it should be noted that all children should be protected equally. Children of both genders suffer. So, should we keep the status quo of year after year, reducing roughhousing for both genders?

The above data and that of other academic studies (etc, ‘Rough and Tumble Play Quality, Theoretical Foundations 2013,) clearly outline that fathers (as noted above: safe male partners for play) directly add to a child’s behavioral, social, and academic development as well as mood stabilization. Haven't we in the West pushed for years for fathers to be more active in a child’s life? Yet, in the way fathers are programmed to interact with children, our society clearly struggles against it, particularly with girls, as denoted below.

‘The Relationship between Father-Child Rough-and-Tumble Play and Children’s Working Memory’ 2022 showed that quality Rough-and-Tumble Play directly improved memory functions in children. In the research paper reviewed at John Hopkins, ‘Rough and tumble play: A function of gender’ (1981)”, it showed that there was a differential reinforcement of Rough-and-Tumble Play from adults and peers, as well as social expectations which prohibit girls from engaging in Rough-and-Tumble Play to the same degree and frequency as boys. In the paper, ‘Preschool children’s pretend and physical play and sex of play partner: Connections to peer competence’ (2005) showed very clearly that boys who participated in Rough-and-Tumble Play with girls were less liked by peers, both female and male. Boys, therefore, are socially penalized at an extremely early age for allowing girls to play physically with them in the same games, even though all the data points out that Rough-and-Tumble Play directly correlates to better development for the child. 

Other research I found shows that adults are quick to restrain girls from physical freedoms, but allow boys more untethered and unrestricted (physical) play. The above research and others also directly point to high-frequency Rough-and-Tumble Play children (more than average, boys) being able to better regulate their own strength than those who do not (on average, girls). Things also learned during Rough-and-Tumble Play: learning and reading distress cues from play-partners, better modulating their own excitement under stress, bite-inhibition, reaction-timing, coordination, among many, many other things. 

More research is being done in recent years regarding the importance of Rough and Tumble Play in the development of children, and that research also shows just how much less girls are allowed to experience the same level of physical education because of how boys and men will be perceived. 

A physically strong, capable and safe play-partner, parent or caregiver, “wrestling" with children who seek it is not just a way for ‘guys’ to engage with children, but is important for the physicality, behavioral, emotional, and academic growth of a child. (A note: there is clearly a difference between this and abuse, as researchers point to children having to want to continue the play for it to be beneficial.) Finding safe adult and child-peer Rough-and-Tumble Play partners is pivotal if we as a society want to reclaim some of what is lost in this technological and physically lacking era.

Austin Petak is an aspiring novelist and freelance journalist who loves seeking stories and the quiet passions of the soul. If you are interested in reaching out to him to cover a story, you may find him at austinpetak@gmail.com.

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